My 14 year old hates me. Well, maybe I'm being overly dramatic, or maybe not. Every kid at North Paulding High School has a cell phone, except for him. Why? Because I am an overbearing, unrealistic and overprotecting mother who wants to make her child miserable, at least in his mind.
Technology is taking over. Yes, that is great in many ways. Where would I be without Online Banking and MapQuest? Broke and lost. However, I really think technology is coming with a price that is directly affecting all of us.
According to a study performed by Pew Research, 75% of kids ages 12-17 own a cell phone. The same study reports that a major reason that 98% of parents allow their teen to have a cell is so "that they can be in touch no matter where the teen is".
This summer I was more than a little disgusted that I had to ask children at VBS to put away their iPhones, and let them know that texting and updating a Facebook status is inappropriate during church. This is not a conversation I would ever dreamed of having with 3rd graders.
Yes, it would be convenient for my child to contact me to let me know the away football game ran into overtime and to wait 45 minutes before coming to pick him up. Yes, it would be nice to be able to contact him in a store instead of our usual "meet me in front of check out in 30 minutes".
My reasoning in our conversations has been that he doesn't need one until he drives or has a job. Until then, he will be at school or in a supervised setting where there will be an adult with access to a phone.
I know how this works, I see it everyday. Technology can make you lazy. It can make for lazy kids and lazy parents. Are cell phones a license to NOT parent? Do I give my kid a phone and release him out into the world, trusting that he will contact me if needed? Do I actually believe that my child will tell me the truth about where he is, whom he is with, and what he is doing--simply because I have the ability to call and ask him?
No, I can't do it. I can sound like a good parent concerned about overuse of technology and safety of having one of those things plastered to his body every day, but that's not the real reason I don't want him to have one.
During high school, I drove a hunk of junk and had to check in from pay phones. I have fond memories of the stealth and ingenuity I had to undertake in order to get into trouble. It was a game my parents thrived on: showing up and "surprising me" at the football game or movies, calling another parent to double-check my story, or making sure the "land-line" caller-id matched up with my supposed "location".
Why would I as a parent want to miss out on that kind of excitement?
My child should have to work just as hard to get into trouble as I did, and be able to look back one day and relish every sneaking moment.
How do you feel about tweens, teens and cells?
Tell us in the comments.
Lea Fantom
8:08 am on Wednesday, January 5, 2011
If the only thing parents were actually concerned about is their child's safety and ability to be reached, there are phones that only allow the child to call certain preprogrammed numbers. However, that is not the case. Half of "my child NEEDS a cell phone!" is keeping up with the Joneses, the other half is not wanting to have to actually keep up with where your child is supposed to be at any given time. Most of society is too busy to keep up with themselves, much less any number of overscheduled, underappreciated children.
Kelly Miears
3:47 pm on Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Love that thought Lea. There is a lot of "keeping up with the Joneses" going on. A follow up post to this is in the works...
Natalie George
8:12 am on Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Kelly, I couldn't agree more. Two out of three of my children have cell phones. To beat that, their cell phones are actually better than mine. I can say now that I regret giving in to their whim. Especially the one in middle school. I think mainly because I've tried to teach them not to worry about what others think and not to be a follower. However in this, I've done just that. Who knows maybe I'll get it right with the third child. Probably not!
Andrea Bradley
11:19 am on Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I feel that if I take my child, who is now 12, wherever he goes then there is no need for a cell phone. I know where he is! It is a luxury and a privilege, not a need. Who cares that 80% of his class mates have a cell phone? I sure don't and he should not either because he will not be getting one. Even when he starts driving himself; he will get one of those phones that call home and 911 only.
Jaime
1:39 am on Thursday, January 6, 2011
I agree completely. My daughter is only 3 but I have already had the conversation with my husband about cell phones. I know by the time she is 12 or so it will be even worse, but she does not get one until she is at least in high school. I'm sure she'll resent me for it, but oh well!
Natalie George
8:16 am on Thursday, January 6, 2011
Be very careful of saying, "I would never", or "My child would never". It has a way of coming back to bite you. As my children get older , this has shown to be true many times. It's kinda like thinking bad thoughts against the mom with a screaming toddler.
Klaus
5:05 pm on Thursday, January 13, 2011
Hi Kelly, great article. I love to read it being a father of three kids in Germany. Of course we do have 5 call phones - only our dog still has got no licence not to be parented ;-)
Regards from Klaus (Frankfurt/Main - Germany ... hope, this will excuse my English)
Michael James Davis
7:38 pm on Thursday, January 13, 2011
Our rule is "when you start driving, you get a cell phone." In the US, that is 16. Then the rule in parallel to that is "you pay for gasoline, insurance AND have <gasp> chores around the house." If this can be done then you may be responsible to drive, if you can drive, you get a phone. Something stops happening, such as chores, then they can't drive, then they need no phone.
I know, cruel. Please don't let child protective services know.
Kelly Miears
5:04 pm on Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Love this Michael-- I may have to borrow for my house! :-) I'll keep the idea secret ;-)
Sharon Wilkie
10:19 am on Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Yep, Michael and Kelly, I totally agree. Our children are 17, 14, 12, 11; and they all know, "No driver's licence; no phone." Our daughter is more excited about turning 18 and getting the phone than she is getting the license!